The Learning Curves

This post has first and foremost been inspired by recently reading ‘Not That Kind of Girl’ by the inspirational Lena Dunham. I mean, of course, the book is fantastic, but DAMN YOU LENA for not writing it even just a few years earlier. So very much awkwardness and misery could have been spared on my part. So, in honour of that, this post is all about the learning curves of my little life thus far; and no I don’t mean the profound, life-changing, deep and meaningful kind. I mean the male kind. Because it is indeed the sad truth that at 20 years of age, I’m already over men, and I know that I’m not alone.

However, in the mere 3 years that I’ve been dating, I’ve come to realise that each romantic experience serves as a ‘learning curve’ for you to deal with the next one better. So let’s rewind 3 years to when I embarked on my first and only relationship, and it was a joyous year spent with a decent human being. So decent that so began my naivety of ‘all men are lovely and honest human beings, they will never hurt me’. Insert an appropriate ‘bitch please’ emoji here. And for a while I was right, I enjoyed dates with men without becoming too emotionally involved for several months. I’ll call this the 18 year old bubble. A bubble filled with sunshine, rainbows, carefree behaviour… and yerp, we’re back to it, NAIVETY. Almost the second I  turned 19 (I exaggerate not) everything went to shit. ‘Twas a fine summer’s eve and, incidentally, I was smashed. ‘Why, what could possibly go wrong?’ I hear you cry. Well in waltzes my very first learning curve…

Now, you know how when you’re dating someone, or after you’ve broken up with someone, when you’re talking about them amongst  mates eventually they somehow end up christened with a particularly apt nickname that you will then forever refer to them by? Well, this one for me was ‘ugly heartbreaker’. Everyone must have at least one of those – you know, the average to not-great-looking guy with winning charisma who suckers you in and then has the nerve to break your heart, without any explanation or reason (can you tell I was bitter about this one for a while?). In all honesty, this one actually really took it out of me at first, to the point that had he clicked his fingers I probably would have gone running back. I didn’t recognise myself the way I was acting and it was an awful feeling that I couldn’t haul myself out of. And so eventually, I did what any rational woman would do and swore celibacy. To my credit, I actually managed to stick to that for 6 months. Not a bad effort if I do say so myself.

BUT, then, what’s that swooping down towards us, is it a bird? Is it a plane? no, its learning curve number 2: Sexy Pizza – so named as he once invited me round for sex and pizza, and there wasn’t a dominoes in sight. Careful ladies, they often try and trick you like this – get your carbs upfront or NO DEAL. P.s is it ironic that whilst writing this, every 5 mins I’m procrastinating on Tinder? Anyway, Sexy Pizza was indeed a very attractive man – older and almost expertly charming. I used to think that, thanks to Ugly Heartbreaker, I was sufficiently cautious enough to remain emotionally detached from this guy. But of course that was bullshit. I thought about him all the time. We dated fairly briefly and then things kept taking a turn for the more and more casual, something that 19 year old Lucy claimed to be totally chill about. Don’t believe 19 year old Lucy, she lies. Almost a year of this went by where I never met anyone who I found as desirable as Sexy Pizza. So although he probably never thought twice about me, from my point of view he actually consumed my entire love life. Isn’t that always the dreaded way? Because he was always reminding me that he ‘misses’ me or ‘needs’ to see me. He was always there, so he didn’t leave room for anyone else. I honestly don’t know what I was expecting to happen. That he would suddenly realise he actually wanted to be with me? Maybe, but of course that was never going to happen.

My point is – with each learning curve (of which I know, I’m fortunate to have only had few) I become less interested in dating, less interested in meeting anyone, because when I do I’m only going to be sufficiently distant and cautious long enough for them to lose interest in me anyway. But where is the line between reasonably cautious and bitch? Or between trusting and foolish? It’s often hard to tell. So I’m writing this post as a personal kind of therapy, and as a reminder not to become some psycho, aggressive cynic, too young in life. Life is so much more than romantic relations; I love my friends and family and I love that I am the only factor in my decision making process, so it’s OK that I’m not IN love with anybody for now. But when I am ready to be in a relationship because I meet someone who seems great, or even just the next arsehole around the corner in my life’s journey, I’m going to TRY not to let my past experiences tarnish the hope of future ones.

However, it’s also chill to be single guys, for as long as you may be. It means there’s nobody to see you eat that whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s in bed whilst watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. And you know what, deep down we all have the capacity to be so much stronger than we think, and our strength doesn’t come from a significant other, it comes from us. So don’t lose confidence and doubt yourself just because you’re ‘single’, you don’t need validation from another being. We are all unique and imperfect in our own special way and there will, at some point, be SOMEONE out there who loves us just for that. Now this ain’t me preaching, ohhhh helllll no, this is me sharing, and I would love to hear any of your stories too.

Thank you SO much for reading! Please comment or even direct message me on any of the social medias if you get a chance. And as always if you found it interesting or liked it then please share away. Here’s to hoping my ‘learning curves’ don’t identify themselves, yayyyy!…

xxxx