Self-acceptance is a challenge at the best of times; but particularly at a time like this when you have nothing but time to critique and over analyse every dimension of your internal and external being. You could find fault in anything if you stared at it for long enough, EVEN Gigi Hadid’s face… I mean, probably… Maybe… OK there’s a chance that was a poor example; you get my drift though.
I’ve ALWAYS struggled with too much time in my own head. Over the years it’s had me questioning my career choice, panicking and applying for 9-5 jobs, craving stability and structure in the hopes that then I’ll feel better about myself. I’ve always stuck to my guns and powered through, I think because my fear of failure has always outweighed my fear ocf unhappiness, no matter how deep it may be.
Writing has always been my most effective form of therapy. Sometimes I write with the intention of sharing, but most of the time I write knowing that whatever I exhale will remain locked in my little notebook forever. At least then it’s no longer locked in my head; because I’m great at sharing my clothes, affection and EVEN snacks, but when it comes to sharing how I’m feeling I find it difficult to articulate. Somehow being able to spew it out onto a page with no expectations, guilt or agenda is so much easier and oh so cathartic.
Before a time where I had a liiiiittle bit of a mental breakdown, I shunned vulnerability. I sought to be the bearer of other people’s problems as well as my own, with no outlet. I look back and I regret putting myself in that position because it overwhelmed and consumed me to a point where I not only no longer recognised myself but I also held no value for my own existence. Not only that, but it was totally ineffective because I then was like a little hermit in a shell of misery and I couldn’t be any help to anyone.
As much as I believe that nobody can look after you like you have the power to look after yourself; I also don’t think that the definition of strength is to deal with everything alone. I think the true meaning of strength is being aware of and accepting how you’re feeling and wherever you are in life (without judgement) no matter how emotional, fearful or down in the dumps you may be. The more we strive towards unconditionally accepting ourselves, the less likely we are to rely on, or seek out, external sources of validation and happiness; be this in the form of material goods and/or a partner. It’s not a 24 hour fix, but it’s a goal that I personally find it helpful to work towards in everyday life.
It’s about time that we valued our bodies as vessels keeping us healthy and strong rather than how they look in a bikini (it’s not like we’ll be hitting the beach anytime soon anyway!) and celebrated our mental health as mental strength – keeping us going through an actual PANDEMIC.
We are here, we’re surviving, we don’t need to be thriving right now – let’s just pour ourselves a glass of vino, smash open a half price Easter egg and cut ourselves some slack ey?!
We Only Get One Body 